Monday, July 21, 2008

In the wilderness with my map

Sorry I've been absent for so long. Basically I've been suffering through summer classes, alternately loving and loathing biology, chemistry, math and health. I have rediscovered that I love to learn. I love the "click" when I go from total confusion to total understanding. And, I've discovered for the first time that I love science. Love it. I've spent my whole life avoiding science classes and now that I'm older, wiser, and more open to learning, I'm embracing the scientist within me.

Which brings up the question of my future. I have three classes left to take in order to do the prerequisite work for the U of M. I'm taking statistics this fall and then will need to fit in another chem class and another health class. Those two classes are going to be a problem, since neither is offered at a convenient time (read: after 3pm) in the foreseeable future. But, once I get all of those taken care of, I'm set to enter the mortuary science program.

Except these days I'm not so sure.

I've been working at the funeral home--have worked at four different funeral type events so far--and I'm definitely enjoying it. I'm finding that I have definite ideas on how I would run my own funeral home and can, sort of, envision what it would be. Keeping in mind, of course, that I know about 1% of what goes on in the "ownership" of a funeral home. But I feel like I'm wandering through the wilderness and I have a map and I know where I'm going, but I don't know if I grabbed the right map before I left. I don't know if where the map is leading me is where I want to be going.

I'm going to miss working with teenagers. And I'm going to miss teaching. Am I going to miss it enough to say "nope, I want to stay a teacher"? I'm not sure. I don't think so. But, teenagers...I'm not sure I can give them up. My alternative kids, particularly. So, do I make a clean break and completely switch careers? Or is there a way to combine my talent for communicating with teens and another job?

Plus...this year is going to be very hard. There are a lot of people I see every day who genuinely don't believe that I'm going to be done at the end of this school year. I would argue that more people are betting against me leaving than for me. When it all comes down to having to plan the next year without me, that's going to be hard. For everybody. Not that the school can't operate without me, of course, but I've been there nine years. That's a long time.

Basically I have a lot of questions, and every time I try to write about them or think about them, they grow. And I have chemistry to do.

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