Thursday, February 28, 2008

Tough transition in the making

Since I've been more vocal about my plans (what with having to brag about my unbelievable grades and how smart I am), there have been some unanticipated side effects: mainly, talking about quitting teaching is damn scary.

I had no idea how much of my identity was wrapped up in the word "teacher." It is me. When I'm in school. At home. On dates. On the street. I am a teacher, not as a profession, but as myself. When I give up teaching, I will be giving up a huge part of who I am. I'll fill that space, eventually, with something else, but it will never be the same and there's a strong feeling of loss there.

Next week is the last week of the trimester, and I'd be lying if I said that carrying twelve credits and teaching six classes and trying to keep up with grading and working with a student teacher (and training for a half-marathon, and...I could go on and on) wasn't totally kicking my ass. I am one hundred percent beaten down right now. And though I am being careful to take time for myself, it comes at a cost that eventually has to be paid up.

1 comment:

jamais vu said...

Just because you won't actually be working in a system of education doesn't mean you won't still be a teacher. It's like a nurse. Even a nurse that stops actively working in medicine is still a nurse. All that experience and education and compassion doesn't go away just because you stop actively applying it for money. But truly. I don't know how you do all you do. I get a great feeling of accomplishment if i do a couple of loads of laundry and fill up my gas tank on the weekend. Then i read your list and have to go take a nap. :o)